Today is Today

Yesterday, at Crossfit, we retested our 1RM (rep max) for the front squat, push press and deadlift. I'm not going to say how I did or whether I was happy or disappointed, but I will try and explore some of the results.

Scenario 1: you PR all of your lifts- you are on top of the world. you can't wipe the smile off your face and think to yourself, "finally, all my hard work has paid off" 

Scenario 2: you PR one or two of your lifts. your emotions are conflicted. Is the happiness about the PRs enough to outweigh the disappointment about falling short. Why did you fall short? Should you work on something, what did you do wrong? 

Scenario 3: you don't PR at all.- what the f happened? You've been coming to CF at least 4 days a week and working your ass off and nothing? You are pretty pissed and disappointed. 

Yes, measuring progress is often done by numbers, times, PRs etc. Either way, whether you reached your goal numbers or not, these days should be motivation to work harder, to show up more, to push yourself to the next limit. No one is perfect, every day is not going to be your best day, but you can show up every day with your best attitude. Learn from the front squat that made your body crumble. 

Why did it crumble? 

Was it your mental state, was it your core or your elbows? 

Focus on the improvement, not the fault. 

Today might be worse, today might be better.

Work harder. Push harder, mentally and physically. 

Who cares if you did or didn't PR yesterday, today is today. 

My Happiness

As per usual, this post will likely have little to do with Crossfit or fashion... I must be a very confused blogger. One thing I will say is that my ass hurts...bad, from Karen (150 wall balls). It hurts sitting, and sleeping, and walking and...

OK, I'm done whining. 

I can honestly say, in this moment, that I'm the happiest I've been for as long as I can remember. And if you know me, I'm very in tune with my happiness/sadness/emotions in general. And now that I feel so good, I have to ask myself why; instead of just accepting it, I want to know what's behind it so I can keep it going. So what conclusions have I come to, what has been making me so happy? Let's see...

1. My family: I've never had a better relationship with my brothers and my dad and it's honestly time that I look forward to spending as often as possible. 

2. My friends: the few I have that are true friends, that know me better than anyone, remind me how important it is to put the time and effort into these relationships just as I would a boyfriend. I think sometimes we take advantage of these relationships without realizing how invaluable they are

3. Crossfit and my body's capabilities: I've always had a hard time balancing what I can handle and what I want to be able to handle. About a year ago, I pushed my body too far and ended up injuring myself and now I've finally learned how to keep improving, but while listening to my body. Pushing too hard can sometimes be a fault. Learning to balance is my newest strength.  

4. My career and living situation: the closest to perfect I could ever ask for. To wake up every day and not dread going to work is a blessing. 

5. FINALLY accepting me for who I am:: we are own biggest critics and I feel like I finally woke up one day and accepted and loved that I was weird, kind of crazy, and just me. If I don't love myself for my good, bad, and crazy, then how can anyone else. 

Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta...

What fuels your happiness? 

Keep Calm

 Something I feel like I've noticed as I continue to grow older and experience new things is that the less I care about petty things, the more I learn from the things that actually matter. In my case these things can range from situations at work, in my friendships, relationships, in the gym or even the random things that happen to fall in there somewhere from time to time. 

Yesterday, for the first time, double unders just clicked. I'm sure many of you have had these moments, in and outside the gym, where something you put so much pressure on for so long just happens. And even better, it happened when I had just completely relaxed and not worried about it. I am naturally an anxious person and its amazing that when I let myself just relax, that's when I PR and when I don't give up on a skill or weight. 

It bleeds into my workplace as well; I work in sales and have to be confident in myself and what I am selling over the phone and through e-mail. For months, I freaked out before every phone call, read over every email 5000 times and then one day it just clicked. I let myself relax and just trusted in the knowledge I had.

The most interesting thing about this for is that we have this "skill" as children and somewhere along the way we forget. The two girls below are some awesome crossfit kids I love hanging out with and they fear NOTHING. It's so refreshing to see that and remind ourselves to not let our stress and anxiety affect our performance in every area of our life. So relax and PR at the gym and in your life!

KCCO (Keep Calm Crossfit On)

(giggling to myself as I change the chive's words around...glad I can make myself laugh)

Sunset after my first ever open water swim!

Make it a Challenge

[CFWkids + me ]

This might be hard to believe, but I'm actually going to post about Crossfit today...

This past weekend I went to go visit my best friend up in Massachusetts, who belongs to Crossfit New England. Friday we did the following workout: 

10, 9, 8...1

Clean and Jerk (did mine at #75)

24" Box Jumps 

GHDs

To say I struggled is an understatement. Then, two days ago, I did "Fran" RX for the first time. Struggled through it, but thankfully made it in under the 10 min time cap. And all in all, after these workouts.....ouch. It hurt during and boy am I sore... 2 days later!

What did I learn from these workouts, because we all know I like to make everything a learning experience? Challenge yourself! I could have easily decreased my weight on the C&J and not gone RX for Fran because I know I'm not in the best shape I have been in, but how will playing it safe ever get me anywhere? (there are some exceptions, like using a parachute if I choose to jump out of a plane...but you get my drift). At the same time, maintaining the balance between challenging myself and listening to my body is a constant battle. Learning how to balance this is something I feel like I've been able to do by watching my trainers, my Crossfit inspiration (Kate Schuh) and some days, just trusting my gut. 

So don't be nervous about finishing last, struggling through or being sore for days after and don't sell yourself short. Go a little heavier, push a little harder. Those "littles" will pay off in the long run. Life ain't supposed to be easy ya'll. (clearly been listening to too much country music...)

hands post-Fran...yum

Afraid of what?!

I've never been one to be ashamed or embarrassed of my struggles, weakness or my "negative" qualities. There are SO many things I am afraid of. If you are smart, you know, we often tend to think too much. Thinking too much in my case usually leads to a laundry list of fears, things to avoid and people to push as far back in my mind as possible. 

This past week, the romantic relationship in my life was ended. It was a great relationship and nothing could ,even my bitterness ,make me lose sight of that, but it did get me to start thinking about fear. I suddenly became aware of what I am afraid of when I was trying to think of different ways to drive to work so I wouldn't have to drive past his street....where to begin. I am afraid of:::

1. Driving past his street and going to any of the places we've been to together in my new CT home and surrounding towns 

2. Squatting- since I had my knee surgery in December, I haven't fully trusted my legs to support me

3. living in a new place- part of me wants to just hide in my room in fear of exploring Stamford and meeting people

4. becoming fat (this is said in all seriousness, I know...it's an issue haha)

5. I'm afraid to start writing more often because as much of a therapy it is, the tangents I go on can be so unhealthy

6. not working to my full potential- in everything! I have sometimes too high of standards for myself 

7. afraid I won't find a partner for my life, I have seen some great love around me and I want it 

8. I am soooo scared of getting old! Sounds crazy but I think about it all the time

9. bugs and rodents FREAK me out! I run in the opposite direction of any of them 

10. I'm afraid of not having any money and if any of you know me, I've been saving since I was 16 and HATE spending any of it. 

....I'd say 10 is enough and facing these fears one by one will be my first goal (I will keep you all updated!)

What are your fears and how are you going to face them?!

P.S I also just decided these fear posts are going to be a theme...so be prepared for more and more. 

Learning How to Live

If someone told me when I was growing up that a huge part of life is learning how to live, I would've either been really confused or I would've said, "um hello...living right now." But...I always think back to that quote about living vs. existing (above) It's so easy to exist, to wake up, go to work, go to the gym, make dinner, hang out with family, friends, significant others, go to bed and do it all over again. To go through the motions and be alive, we all do it and its damn easy, but to live, to actually experience each of those moments is a whole 'nother story.

 Truly living can be so rewarding, like when you lift a weight you never thought you'd be able to or when someone you care about you compliments you. It can also be draining and painful, the negative emotions resulting from existing can overwhelm you and drag you down. Hell, I'm a living example of that today. 

So what do I do? Retreat and try to just exist and push those feelings deep inside of me until they are ready to explode (aka about twice a day), but what do I want to do, what should  I do. I should finish up my work day, go to the gym and really experience the workout and not just do it, and then I should go home, enjoy some dinner and TV with my new roommate and then go into my bed and write in my journal (definitely my best and most neglected form of therapy). 

What should you be doing to live and not just exist?

Grateful

It's been months since I've been on here; to be completely honest, I haven't felt like I had anything profound to say, so why talk just to talk? 

Recently, I've realized something that is completely unrelated to Crossfit (to some of us though, everything is related to crossfit). I woke up this morning to texts and phone calls from 4 people I love and thought back to a year ago, even two years ago and where those relationships have come from and how much they've grown. I immediately felt eternally grateful. We spend a significant amount of our life at work, trying to make money to get the things we want aka the new bedroom set I bought last week, the new pair of shoes I was dying to have, the vacation I needed to take....but would those things and money really ever satisfy me? Yes, maybe I felt good looking at a new bed to sleep in or slipping on those new shoes, but this morning waking up to love-that's a feeling that cannot even compare. 

Feeling loved and loving people is so much more rewarding than most of us realize, until we need it the most, until those moments where the last thing we feel like we have is love and then it just smacks us in the face. This is sometimes romantic love, love from friends or family members and even self love-but when it comes down to it, there's really no amount of money, no workout (well maybe ha!), no material item that can consistently fulfill you more than the love you have for others, the love they return and the love you have for yourself. 

this post dedicated to papa bear, the ninja, kate and jo <3

P.S. I'm back