I am NOT afraid

Fear.
In my opinion, our number one hindrance of success.
Getting in our head, psyching ourselves out, not taking chances because we are afraid of the outcomes, not living life to its fullest because we don't know if we 'can' do it or if we are 'good enough.'

Week after week for the past 4 months I stood in front of the barbell, loaded with 105#, would get in my starting position, take a breath and go...and fail...every time. Abou two weeks ago, I stayed after Oly class and cleaned the bar about 50 times and power cleaned 105# once, barely. Since then, every time I am up against that weight , fear tightens up my muscles, tells me I can't lift it....and I don't.

2 weeks ago, our Oly teacher did a certification seminar with Jon North. Since then, our programming has changed and the way the movements are taught have changed. I saw how inspired and excited our trainer was and I got inspired and excited. I have taken Oly classes more seriously and really tried to pay attention to my technique rather than the weight on the bar. I looked on how to perfect my means, not my end.

Last night, I let go of my fear and told myself that I was taught the proper way, I had the strength and I was just going to do it. And I did...with ease. I even was able to squat clean 110#, when last week I could barely squat clean 100#.

Lesson learned: Fear is fear. That's it. It has no control over what you can accomplish in your life and what you can accomplish in the gym, with the barbell, with your body. Let it motivate you to push it out of the way and achieve, not hold you back and shy you away from becoming great.

[I was scared to do this for months, now I LOVE it]

Last night's WOD:

Skill work: Pullups
2x completed unassisted (first time!)
Red band only: 5-5-5-5-5-5
Purple and red band: 10-10

Each with about 90s rest.

OLY class:

Clean&Jerk
110# Squat Clean
100# clean and Jerk
both PRS babbbbbbbby.

Look in the Mirror

As women, we should be proud of our strength, look in the mirror and feel good, not criticize.

One thing I've spent a lot of time exploring and thinking about recently is body image, and specifically body image for women in this country. Crossfit has completely transformed my outlook on my body...I am proud of my growing butt, my strong thicker legs and my defined arms and shoulders. I look in the mirror and see PRs and times, not flaws and fat.

And trust me, it took me a long time to get where I am today. If you look at the pictures of me below, I was all over the place. Up to 160lbs of fat at one point and down to 110lbs of skin and bones at another. It was a constant mental battle for me and I watched some of my closest friends struggle with the same exact thing. The media provides us with this "skinny is good, fat is bad" mentality that in turn causes women, including myself, to focus on how small my waist is and how much the scale throws back at me when I step on it.

After years of wanting to be smaller, to have skinnier legs and fit in a size 2, I am now heavier, a bigger size and stronger, more solid. Love your curves, love your body, but treat it right. It's not healthy to not fuel your body and not healthy to overfuel your body. Respect your body and it will give you what you want in return tenfold.

So whether its Crossfit, yoga or running etc.Remember you can be strong and be beautiful.

(This is the stuff I think about on my rest days....)

[I have thunder thighs...]

Ahhhh...Rest Day

[made a trip to the Reebok NYC store for some new kicks]

Rest Day. Oh how I love you. Why do I love you? Not because I'm lazy or I don't want to workout (because trust me I'd be there every day if I could), but because I know today's rest will let my body recover enough to kick ass tomorrow and the day after and the day after. Although my stubborn self had a difficult time accepting FULL rest days (I used to run or bike etc.), I've come to appreciate them, in my workouts and in life.

Sometimes your body and/or your mind needs a day to unwind, to process the days prior and to prepare for what's next. Since beginning college, I was always on the go, half the time I couldn't sit still. I took a full class load, was in and the President of multiple clubs and had 4 jobs. The word rest was not in my vocabulary. Eventually, I would break down and just crash for a day or two. This past year and 6 months doing Crossfit has taught me the value of slowing down, letting my body heal and letting my mind just wander and do what it wants for a couple of hours. So don't be afraid of rest, take advantage of it! Your body and your mind will thank you later.

Last Two day's WODs:

Monday:

A1. Deadlift x 3 (heavy) reps
A2. 60s AMRAP -Burpees
Rest 4m x 5

Score: Deadlifts: 175-185-190-195-205 (my 1RM)

Burpees-19-18-17-18-16

Skill Work:

 HSPU
5 Rounds to 2x 45lb plate
5 Rounds to 1x45lb1x35lb plate
Rest 90s between rounds
5-7-8-8-9
4-5-5-5-5

Tuesday:

4 rounds:
500m Run
25 Toes to Bar

Time: 24: 40something (I don't know why I keep forgetting to write things down!)

*I really struggled with the T2B in the last two rounds, slowed me down alot...gotta work on that movement

Oly: Snatch Work

Warm-up

15 min to find 1RM Squat Snatch (no more Power Snatches!!! :/ )- 70# 1RM PR

10 min Doubles at 55#

10 min Triples at 55#

[Oh you know, my just rocking an obnoxious tan, bright colors and a crossfit booty ;) ]

Crossfit Woman

It's actually very exciting that it's Monday morning because it's the start to another training week. It's amazing that if you look at every start of a week as an opportunity to get stronger, to accomplish things and to work hard, your perspective on Mondy mornings completely changes. This is much needed for me this week since I spent the last 3 days moving myself into a new place. (Thanks to Crossfitters for their muscles and their help)

First of all, I need to go by this ^ t-shirt. I am a Crossfit Woman. Getting to know other women in the gym, I understand that this is not just an identifier, but something that runs deep. We support each other, we relate to each other even when it's kind of difficult to relate and we help each other with everything, from eating to boy problems (yes, we still have those). A Crossfit Woman is strong. Unbreakable. I am happy to say I am surounded by these women. They inspire me on a daily basis and push me to be a better Crossfitter and a better person. So cheers to the Crossfit Women out thee. We are strong, we are unstoppable, we are badasses ;)

Some catch-up on my past few WODs

Wednesday: Elizabeth

21-15-9

Power Cleans #75

Dips (did first 12 and last 9 unassisted), used red band

Result: I'm SO mad at myself for not writing this down...

After class Skill work: 20 min

Handstand holds, rest 2 min between each

38s-35-29-45-52-1:06-1:10

Thursday: OLY

Clean Progression

Clean for 20 min

Doubles a #65

Some pull-up work after class, but my body was exhausted

Saturday: Cindy

AMRAP 20

 5 Pull-ups (blue band)

10 Push-ups

15 air squats

Score: 17+18

Crossfit Changed My Life

The words I am about to write will make me vulnerable, open my life up to people who may know me well or that don't know me at all.

Crossfit changed my life.

 We can probably all say those 4 words and mean them, but to each of us they mean something different, from making us stronger, to helping us cope with weakness in other areas of our life, to losing or gaining weight and for others just for having some fun. 

For me, it runs deep. The past (I would like to say 2), but the past 5 years of my life have honestly been a struggle for me. I had no idea where I belonged in this world and I was always trying to grab onto something to control. When I went away to college it meant starving myself and throwing up, then it became excessive drinking, and at some points I lost myself in my studies. I went to school positive I was going to be a doctor...I didn't make it. I turned to law school, I got in and I panicked last minute and didn't go. My parents separated and my family was thrusted apart. I constantly sold myself short when it came to men and dated people that didn't and could never appreciate the person that I am. 

I was lost. For five years.

 I worked my ass off in college because it was an escape. An escape from my lack of social life, the depression and anxiety that plagued me on a daily basis and the self esteem that barely reached my knee caps. I lost two of my best friends in less than a year. 

I was drowning. 

And then Crossfit found me. At first I was hesitant. Hesitant to talk to people at my box, to lift a heavier weight, to feel comfortable in my own body, my muscles, my soreness. I look back at this  and smile.

I am no longer lost. I am strong. I am on the journey of life and the journey of Crossfit. The journey to embrace those moments when life puts me at my lowest, when I fail a heavy lift, when my time in a metcon just isn't where I want it to be. I no longer run from them and let them run rampant in my life, I face them. I discipline myself and take control of my life. After all, it is mine right?

Crossfit taught me that I can push myself to my limits, that I can and will succeed and that I am in control.

Crossfit changed my life.

How did it change yours?