My Year in Crossfit

This is supposed to be a Crossfit blog right? So I think I'll actually write a bit about it...

When 2013 began, I was not allowed to Crossfit because I had surgery on my knee 3 weeks before. I went to yoga 3 days a week and never got "bigger," but I did get what I like to call soft. The tone I worked for in my arms and the rest of my body slowly got less and less visible. March rolled around and I felt strong enough to go back a couple of times a week. I wasn't focused enough and constantly fell off the wagon. I got into a relationship that distracted me, ended that relationship which probably distracted my even more and then around July I decided it was time to make a change. I have a long way to go with my eating habits, but Crossfit I knew I could change. 

Not only do I feel stronger than I ever have I have the numbers to prove it. Where was I and where am I now:

Back Squat: pre surgery 195/ new 205

Front Squat: pre surgery 135/ new 175

Deadlift: pre surgery 205/ new 235

Overhead Squat: 85/115

Power Clean: 105/145

Squat Clean: 115/150

Snatch: 75/85

Couldn't and now can do DUs, HSPU, ring dips, C2B pull-ups and butterflies

I couldn't be happier with my coaches, my gym and my main inspiration, Kate Schuh. Here's to a thank you to a great year and motivation to make the next one even better !!!

Post Holiday Reflections

I know we are supposed to make changes all year and constantly work to improve ourselves, but I am a sucker for fresh starts, but before I can do that I like to reflect on the past year, where I was and where I am now. Then I can focus on where I want to be. 

On Christmas Eve, I sat down and thought about where I was at last Christmas Eve. 

Rewind to 2012...I was 2 weeks out from the surgery on my knee, not able to work out i.e. getting to the point of being pretty miserable. A long, very emotional relationship had finally come to an end, I had just started my new job and was unsure and insecure about where it would go. I was working 7 days a week, spent almost no time with friends, and had no idea (still) how to deal with my relatively newly separated family during the Holidays. I remember waitressing until 8pm on Xmas eve and staying home alone because I had a panic attack and couldn't imagine going out. I almost stayed home on Christmas- to be honest, I look back and barely recognize myself and it's only been a year! 

Where am I at now? 

I have never been in better shape and Crossfit has become something I not only enjoy immensely, but also have been able to actively watch myself improve and grow in. 

This year's Holidays were seamless and I got to spend time with my family with no stress and lots of love. 

I COULD NOT be more happy in my career, my job, my coworkers; it has become my second family, and financially I don't think I could be more grateful. 

I am proud and feel so incredibly blessed to have had such a wonderful year, with wonderful people and  for being able to grow in every aspect of my life. 

Now it's time to leave the past where it belongs and work on my goals for the year ahead. Stay tuned for that list next week! :) 

Where were you a year ago? Where do you want to be a year from now?

19 (Tough) Questions

I will eventually get to writing a post about my trip to London and Paris last week, but I ran into this on the internet today and felt like it was a really good get to know/self reflecting list of questions.

 "19 Questions We Should All Ask More Often"

Here goes (OH and try it yourself!!)

1. What is one of the nicest things someone has ever done for you? I struggled a lot as a teenager and I had a best friend Brian (rest his soul), who saw how badly I was struggling and that I didn't value my life at all and he told my parents. Without someone recognizing it and doing something about it, I most definitely wouldn't be where I am today. 
2. Who/what do you love most and what are you doing about it? I LOVE how fortunate I am to have the family I do, the career I do and the opportunities/health I do. Every day, I try (not always successfully) to make the best of each and every one of those things. 
3. How do you show yourself that you love yourself? I Crossfit. Taking care of my body and challenging it is the best way for me to show myself love. 
4. Whose life do you believe you’ve had the biggest impact on? I'd like to say my best friend, Mike, but maybe that's just me being overly confident, but he has had a pretty significant impact on me as well. 
5. What is home to you? home is anywhere my family is. 
6. Is there anybody in your life that you would like to forgive, but haven’t? yes, definitely. that is all. 
7. When is silence more meaningful than words? When someone dies. I've had people close to me die and sometimes a person sitting next to me that loves me is better than any words possible. 
8. What do you wish you knew? I wish I knew how to magically be better in relationships and what my future holds in that aspect of my life. 
9. Are there chances you’ve passed up that you wish you’d have taken? I think moving to a new place after college would be it. I'm very happy with my career but I wish I got to experience another place. 
10. When was the last time you lied? Why? 2 days ago, because I was avoiding the truth. The truth hurt and I took the "easy" way out, which didn't end up being that easy. 
11. What will you never give up on? LOVE
12. What is the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done? booked and went on a trip to Europe by myself!
13. How do you know when it’s time to let go of something or someone?  Someone= when that person no longer wants you in their life and/or they are making your life worse more than better. Something= if it's not adding to your life or helping you grow, it's not worth your time. 
14. What do you wish someone would ask you? what scares me. I rarely get to have that conversation with people. 
15. What have you witnessed that has strengthened/weakened your faith in humanity? I think that every day we witness good and bad, strengths and weaknesses, but seeing that people are capable of love and compassion in any capacity is what maintains my faith in humanity. 
16. Are there things that you sometimes pretend you understand, but actually don’t? I usually don't pretend. I'm pretty much secure enough to say that I don't understand something when I don't
17. What big lesson could someone learn from your life? Things really do find their way of working themselves out and are usually not what you plan or what you originally want. 
18. What have you done lately that’s worth remembering? This one is easy right now. I went to London and Paris for the first time. I explored and learned so much in 9 days , I will never forget this trip. 
19. What is the simplest truth you can say with words? You can never stop growing. 

Look at How far You've Come

Not every day is going to be our best day. The other day, I felt very defeated personally, my emotions were controlling my mindset and my decisions and I was a mess. I could barely make it through an hour without holding back tears. But who are we but the combination of our best moments, our worst moments, our successes, our failures, our ups and downs, our experiences and our visions. I cannot let myself be defined by the day or week I couldn't pull myself together, but I can be defined by the combination of my experiences, by looking at how far I've come. 

We can measure our progress in life, in our careers, in our relationships and in the gym by looking at how far we've come. The then vs. the now. 

A little over a year ago, the day I finally cleaned (as in the olympic lift) over 100#, I can now use as a progress point. A year later, I am able to a 10 min EMOM with 120#. In the moment, yes, I wish I could've done that workout with 125, but I have to look how far I've come. Focus on what my hard work has resulted in and keep working towards that continued progress. 

When I first graduated college, I was waitressing, partying every night, with very little thought of my future and very little respect for the person and woman I was and am. Yes, today I want more, I want to be stronger, I want to make more money, I want men to respect me the way I deserve, more and more. Instead of living disappointed that I am not yet exactly where I want to be, I look at how far I've come, how much better off I am, personally and financially.

Where were you 6 months ago, 5 years ago? What have your experiences combined to create, have you let the positives and negatives shape and mold the present moment and person you look at in the mirror every day? 

Take a minute. Look at how far you've come.

Progress starts yesterday, progress starts today, progress starts tomorrow.

Good vs. Great Part II

Writing this post was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Turning your thinking and actions from   

good-->great is not a simple task. It made me reflect on what I'm only just doing "well" and critically think about how I can and want to change that. It's easy to be good, make good decisions, do good things, but what does it really mean to be great, to take everything in your life to the next level? This is what I've got so far and I'm excited to see how I can make this a consistent part of my thinking and my life. 

Good: Showing up at CF every day

Great: Identifying my weaknesses, pushing through the suck and turning them into strengths

Good: Trying to think optimistically

Great: Taking control of every situation and making it a positive

Good: Being honest with myself about my feelings

Great: Becoming more self aware and embracing my good and bad feelings

Good: Planning trips and traveling

Great: Immersing myself in other cultures

Good: Being confident in who I am

Great: Knowing what I deserve, what I'm worth and demanding nothing less

Good: Trying new things

Great: Opening my heart and mind to anything and everything I experience

Good: Doing something nice for someone

Great: Selflessly putting someone's happiness above my own

Good: Facing a fear

Great: Recognizing, digesting and tackling that fear

Mission: BE GREAT

Good vs. Great

The other day I read this amazing post and I felt compelled to share it with you.  (Read her blog, seriously some incredible stuff) Below is my favorite excerpt:

Good: Giving your time, talents or resource to those around you

Great: Giving without expectation

Good: Asking for what you want

Great: Knowing your worth

Good: Being a jack of all trades

Great: Being a master of some

Good: Bouncing back from obstacles

Great: Knowing life is all about riding the waves highs and low

Good: Being happy

Great: Fully leaning into joy

Good: Enjoying the present

Great: Fully participating in every moment of your life

Good: Appreciating the love in your life

Great: Measuring life by the love you have in it

Good: Communicating your feelings

Great: Embracing vulnerability

What is the difference between good and great in your life? I'm gonna work on my list and share tomorrow! 

It's All Meant to Be

I feel like I have had a variation of this conversation multiple times over the past couple of years, today I finally felt compelled to write about it. I wholeheartedly believe that there is no such thing as a coincidence, every single moment, every good thing, every tragedy, happens for a reason. 

The first time I really thought about this was when I was going through a really tough time and my now best friend/guy I used to date told me he didn't think there was a coincidence in us meeting and becoming part of each other's lives. Funny thing is at first I thought he was crazy: like you're telling me all this tough shit is supposed to be happening, I'm supposed to meet shitty people and make bad decisions? To me, he was one of them. In reality, without him I wouldn't have been introduced to Crossfit (most importantly) nor truly learn what it meant to love selflessly. 

Less than a year after starting Crossfit, I had to have knee surgery, of course I thought, "why me?" Now I can look back and see that it gave me an opportunity to reflect: time to improve myself and work through my insecurities without distraction. And now? I feel stronger physically and mentally. In the moment, it may not be easy to see, but every bad and every good thing, little or big, shapes and molds the person you are and the person you will grow to be.

Every person I meet, every lift I fail, every workout I kill, every man I love, every friend I have, every moment I feel happy or sad, every phone call I have...happens for a reason. Sometimes I know that reason, sometimes I guess and sometimes I have no idea, but I am willing to see where every little thing will take me and how their purposes will be revealed. ....and that's where my journey in the gym and in life begins, thrives and grows.

I was supposed to suck at double unders this morning (ugh), but here comes lots of practice...

Being Real

"You want to know what I like? Honesty. I like when people can admit when things in their life aren’t going so hot. I like when they can just come right out and say you know..shit sucks right now but I’m dealing with it,I’ll be good. It’s refreshing. You know what I don’t like? Fake."

I read this in an article tonight and immediately thought, "ME TOO!" Sometimes I feel that when I'm writing this blog I can put off this 'I'm always positive, my outlook on life and the gym are always positive and everything else in my life follows that road too.' I try to be real, to show my vulnerablity, my imperfection and my insecurities. Anyone who knows me outside of my writing knows that I strive to stay positive, to look at everything from and angle that emits hope and faith, but is that possible to sustain every day, in every moment, in every workout? 

This morning I decided I was going to try to do chest to bar pull-ups in a workout, and I did. Every time I jumped up onto the bar I knew I wasn't going to fail. 2 weeks ago, a day I couldn't snatch for my life, I knew every time I picked up the bar, I wasn't going to do it right. I whined and felt shitty and did I come write about it?...no. So here's me being real. Not all my workouts are great (or even good for that matter), sometimes I look in the mirror and all I see is each and every perceived flaw, I can be anxious and emotional and in turn, irrational, I love way too hard and my heart breaks even harder. Shit sucks sometimes. There's no need to pretend like my/your life is perfect. 

But...we CAN make it as close to our idea of perfect as we can. Be real, but be positive. Be optimistic. Your life is what you make it and how you deal with the perfect and imperfect parts of your life truly shape who you are. 

Make it yours

The past few weeks I have been pretty damn happy with my training. I'm about to brag...I got my first HSPU and ring dips and I'm totally a pig in shit.  I don't really like that saying, but it fits. 

Anyways, when you are on a roll, when things are going so well you can't begin to explain why, do you ever feel like you are just waiting for them to break? Waiting for something to blow up in your face? I know I do. It can sound really pessimistic at first glance, and its not something that is plaguing my thoughts all day long, but once in a while I stop and wonder when my next bad workout will be or the next time my heart will be broken. It's important for me (and maybe you too) to realize that most, if not all, of the good things in our lives are a result of what we are making of ourselves. 

Why have so many Crossfit skill movements started to just click? Because I have great coaches and I've put the work in. 

Why do I feel like I have an incredible amount of amazing people in my life right now? Because I have cared about them and loved them and been there for them and they have done the same for me. Because we have cultivated a real, genuine relationship. 

Why, for maybe the first time ever in my life, can I look in the mirror and be completely happy with the way that I look? Because I worked mentally and physically every day to finally get there. Because I watched the great people in my life be happy in their skin and be inspired by them (Kate, that's you!) 

So instead of wondering when the next bad thing will happen or when that streak of "luck" will run out, keep working, keep creating an environment and a life that will help you and the people around you thrive. Life really can be awesome all the time. 

(sorry for the profanity, but I'm an ecard addict and this one is perfect, go be awesome!)

Every Single Day

Yesterday, someone told me they loved reading what I had to say on here. To say that made me feel great is an understatement and to make it even better it was minutes after I PRed 'Grace' at our Barbells for Boobs fundraiser.

Writing on here has always been a bit of a struggle for me; I only feel the motivation to write when things are really bad and when things are really good. What I didn't realize until now is that everything between those moments is what makes the good moments better and what helps you through the bad ones. Almost 2 months ago I did my first Crossfit Competition and I was scared/nervous/worried etc. that I would be last. Yes, that's how I think... BUT in reality, who really cares if I was last or first or somewhere in between. In the end, I was disappointed in some of the workouts, but it really exposed where my weaknesses are. 

I may consider that one of my "bad" moments, but the training I did before and how I approached it afterwards is what defined that weekend for me. It would have been easy to go back to training for fun and not caring about Crossfit, but instead it I have been trying to make it my motivation to improve my Overhead lifts, gymnastics skills and endurance. The day to day matters, don't let the big good and bad moments be all that defines you. Learn every day, grow every day, train every day, and create who you are and what you want to be each and every day. 

Embracing Power

Last night I learned something in an instant that I most definitely wasn't expecting. The circumstances may seem trivial, but when something in your brain gets triggered you can't help but thank the "straw that broke the camel's back." 

I was out walking my Dad's new puppy (Maximus); he is 10 weeks old and absolutely adorable. I love dogs and had a great one growing up, but this is the first time I'm an adult and get to watch a puppy grow up and actually appreciate it. As we were walking back into my building, his paw got caught under the door and he starting yelping/screaming whatever you call it. It was loud and his face was devastating, he limped over to me and just collapsed in my arms. I rubbed him and carried him back up to my apartment. He clung to me like I was his savior. In that moment, I knew what it felt like to care about another thing or person, one that you are responsible for and feel the pain that they do. 

I have loved many people, my family, friends, boyfriends etc., but the love you feel for something essentially helpless that is relying on you to live every day is completely different. Besides showing me that I am totally and definitely not ready to have children any time soon, it also gave me a glimpse into the power I have in this world. For the next five days, I am in full control of giving this puppy his life, his food, his shelter and the love he needs. This can be translated into so many areas of our lives--sometimes we may feel powerless, but in reality, we are in constant control of how we treat ourselves, how we treat other people (and animals) and how much of that power and control we use for good and how much for bad.

It is not something that is tangible nor measurable, so how can we harness it?

1. Look at yourself in the mirror every morning and recognize that whether you are single or in a relationship, whether you love or hate your job, whether your body is how you want it to look, it is still your life. You are the only person who gets to live it. 

2. You have what it takes to make someone else's day. I think we all know that sometimes even a stranger complimenting us on something can completely change our mood around, imagine if it was someone you love and value. Let those people in your life that you value know that they do. You can never tell someone you love them too much if you truly mean it. 

3. Change the f'in world. All of us can, I promise you. Not everyone of us will give up every material possession and volunteer our life to improving other's lives, but all of us have the power to change the world in one way or another. Don't be afraid to explore what you are capable of. 

4. LOVE. there is so much power in love. In my eyes, maybe more than anything else. More than money, fame etc. As cliche as it sounds, when you love someone, something, an idea, a dream, you will find a way to make that known. And you can. You are given that opportunity every single day. This is one thing I say take advantage of it might just be the ultimate understatement.

Slow Realizations

Many people say college is the best 4 years of your life, but I strongly disagree. Yes, it's fun to do whatever you want, not worry about bills, eat and drink every night of the week, study or not study and just live carefree for four years. BUT...this couldn't possibly compare to the amount I've learned about life, others and myself in the past 2 years out of school. Some of it has absolutely sucked, it has by no means been easy, but the amount I've grown, the people I've met and the lessons I've learned are invaluable. 

Coming out of college, it's the social norm to find a job that pays you well (or well enough), date, party and eventually find someone you want to settle down with, have kids etc. For a while, I was obsessed with this concept, paranoid I would never find these things and put so much of my happiness on whether I was getting closer to this endpoint. What's usually left out of this fabulous plan we have for ourselves is getting to know ourselves, finding out what makes us happy, who makes us happy. 

For me, this journey began with me discovering Crossfit. Before that I ran to keep in shape, but CF was a different level of adrenaline and accomplishment that is almost impossible to explain. I learned what it meant to take control of my body, to listen to it and push it to its limits. This slowly gave me the confidence to challenge myself in the workplace and in my personal life. Could I be doing more to be successful in my career? How could I learn more and constantly grow? Did all of my relationships add to my life in a positive way or were there people holding me back? How could I learn to part with these things and people without a chip on my shoulder? Can I really accurately discern what is good for me, who is good for me and how to approach it? 

I don't know the answers to all of these questions and according to my father, I never really will, but for the first time in my life I am 100% focused on learning about myself, exploring different possibilities as far as my interests are concerned, traveling, loving the people in my life. I'm not worried about finding a man and starting a family and knowing exactly where my career will be in 5 years. I may be sitting right here writing this post, but what I'm really doing is searching for me, for who I am meant to be so that one day I can have all those endpoints, but as a happy, well rounded, well traveled and strong person.

Never stop growing :)

Give Your Mind a Break

As Crossfitters, many of us are high energy, constantly moving kind of people. We know we need our rest days, but we don't really want  them most of the time. We monopolize on "active recovery" and love going to bed knowing we worked hard that day, mentally and physically. Sometimes though, even we, need to let go a little bit. Yesterday, I had a few friends come up to CT and we spent almost 6 hours just sitting on the beach, soaking in the sun and the breeze and the environment as a whole. Before and after, I spent my time eating on an outdoor porch with no time restraints, absolutely nowhere to be. 

The sun started to set and my mind goes, oh crap, I really should've went for a run today, or maybe I'll do some tabata in the house before I go to bed. But then I reminded myself how peaceful the day felt, how I literally for the first time in forever, completely let myself go, let myself relax. So give your mind a break, and come back to the grind, the hustle and bustle and the barbell fresh the next day. 

i chopped all my hair off :/

Today is Today

Yesterday, at Crossfit, we retested our 1RM (rep max) for the front squat, push press and deadlift. I'm not going to say how I did or whether I was happy or disappointed, but I will try and explore some of the results.

Scenario 1: you PR all of your lifts- you are on top of the world. you can't wipe the smile off your face and think to yourself, "finally, all my hard work has paid off" 

Scenario 2: you PR one or two of your lifts. your emotions are conflicted. Is the happiness about the PRs enough to outweigh the disappointment about falling short. Why did you fall short? Should you work on something, what did you do wrong? 

Scenario 3: you don't PR at all.- what the f happened? You've been coming to CF at least 4 days a week and working your ass off and nothing? You are pretty pissed and disappointed. 

Yes, measuring progress is often done by numbers, times, PRs etc. Either way, whether you reached your goal numbers or not, these days should be motivation to work harder, to show up more, to push yourself to the next limit. No one is perfect, every day is not going to be your best day, but you can show up every day with your best attitude. Learn from the front squat that made your body crumble. 

Why did it crumble? 

Was it your mental state, was it your core or your elbows? 

Focus on the improvement, not the fault. 

Today might be worse, today might be better.

Work harder. Push harder, mentally and physically. 

Who cares if you did or didn't PR yesterday, today is today. 

My Happiness

As per usual, this post will likely have little to do with Crossfit or fashion... I must be a very confused blogger. One thing I will say is that my ass hurts...bad, from Karen (150 wall balls). It hurts sitting, and sleeping, and walking and...

OK, I'm done whining. 

I can honestly say, in this moment, that I'm the happiest I've been for as long as I can remember. And if you know me, I'm very in tune with my happiness/sadness/emotions in general. And now that I feel so good, I have to ask myself why; instead of just accepting it, I want to know what's behind it so I can keep it going. So what conclusions have I come to, what has been making me so happy? Let's see...

1. My family: I've never had a better relationship with my brothers and my dad and it's honestly time that I look forward to spending as often as possible. 

2. My friends: the few I have that are true friends, that know me better than anyone, remind me how important it is to put the time and effort into these relationships just as I would a boyfriend. I think sometimes we take advantage of these relationships without realizing how invaluable they are

3. Crossfit and my body's capabilities: I've always had a hard time balancing what I can handle and what I want to be able to handle. About a year ago, I pushed my body too far and ended up injuring myself and now I've finally learned how to keep improving, but while listening to my body. Pushing too hard can sometimes be a fault. Learning to balance is my newest strength.  

4. My career and living situation: the closest to perfect I could ever ask for. To wake up every day and not dread going to work is a blessing. 

5. FINALLY accepting me for who I am:: we are own biggest critics and I feel like I finally woke up one day and accepted and loved that I was weird, kind of crazy, and just me. If I don't love myself for my good, bad, and crazy, then how can anyone else. 

Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta...

What fuels your happiness? 

Keep Calm

 Something I feel like I've noticed as I continue to grow older and experience new things is that the less I care about petty things, the more I learn from the things that actually matter. In my case these things can range from situations at work, in my friendships, relationships, in the gym or even the random things that happen to fall in there somewhere from time to time. 

Yesterday, for the first time, double unders just clicked. I'm sure many of you have had these moments, in and outside the gym, where something you put so much pressure on for so long just happens. And even better, it happened when I had just completely relaxed and not worried about it. I am naturally an anxious person and its amazing that when I let myself just relax, that's when I PR and when I don't give up on a skill or weight. 

It bleeds into my workplace as well; I work in sales and have to be confident in myself and what I am selling over the phone and through e-mail. For months, I freaked out before every phone call, read over every email 5000 times and then one day it just clicked. I let myself relax and just trusted in the knowledge I had.

The most interesting thing about this for is that we have this "skill" as children and somewhere along the way we forget. The two girls below are some awesome crossfit kids I love hanging out with and they fear NOTHING. It's so refreshing to see that and remind ourselves to not let our stress and anxiety affect our performance in every area of our life. So relax and PR at the gym and in your life!

KCCO (Keep Calm Crossfit On)

(giggling to myself as I change the chive's words around...glad I can make myself laugh)

Sunset after my first ever open water swim!

Make it a Challenge

[CFWkids + me ]

This might be hard to believe, but I'm actually going to post about Crossfit today...

This past weekend I went to go visit my best friend up in Massachusetts, who belongs to Crossfit New England. Friday we did the following workout: 

10, 9, 8...1

Clean and Jerk (did mine at #75)

24" Box Jumps 

GHDs

To say I struggled is an understatement. Then, two days ago, I did "Fran" RX for the first time. Struggled through it, but thankfully made it in under the 10 min time cap. And all in all, after these workouts.....ouch. It hurt during and boy am I sore... 2 days later!

What did I learn from these workouts, because we all know I like to make everything a learning experience? Challenge yourself! I could have easily decreased my weight on the C&J and not gone RX for Fran because I know I'm not in the best shape I have been in, but how will playing it safe ever get me anywhere? (there are some exceptions, like using a parachute if I choose to jump out of a plane...but you get my drift). At the same time, maintaining the balance between challenging myself and listening to my body is a constant battle. Learning how to balance this is something I feel like I've been able to do by watching my trainers, my Crossfit inspiration (Kate Schuh) and some days, just trusting my gut. 

So don't be nervous about finishing last, struggling through or being sore for days after and don't sell yourself short. Go a little heavier, push a little harder. Those "littles" will pay off in the long run. Life ain't supposed to be easy ya'll. (clearly been listening to too much country music...)

hands post-Fran...yum

Afraid of what?!

I've never been one to be ashamed or embarrassed of my struggles, weakness or my "negative" qualities. There are SO many things I am afraid of. If you are smart, you know, we often tend to think too much. Thinking too much in my case usually leads to a laundry list of fears, things to avoid and people to push as far back in my mind as possible. 

This past week, the romantic relationship in my life was ended. It was a great relationship and nothing could ,even my bitterness ,make me lose sight of that, but it did get me to start thinking about fear. I suddenly became aware of what I am afraid of when I was trying to think of different ways to drive to work so I wouldn't have to drive past his street....where to begin. I am afraid of:::

1. Driving past his street and going to any of the places we've been to together in my new CT home and surrounding towns 

2. Squatting- since I had my knee surgery in December, I haven't fully trusted my legs to support me

3. living in a new place- part of me wants to just hide in my room in fear of exploring Stamford and meeting people

4. becoming fat (this is said in all seriousness, I know...it's an issue haha)

5. I'm afraid to start writing more often because as much of a therapy it is, the tangents I go on can be so unhealthy

6. not working to my full potential- in everything! I have sometimes too high of standards for myself 

7. afraid I won't find a partner for my life, I have seen some great love around me and I want it 

8. I am soooo scared of getting old! Sounds crazy but I think about it all the time

9. bugs and rodents FREAK me out! I run in the opposite direction of any of them 

10. I'm afraid of not having any money and if any of you know me, I've been saving since I was 16 and HATE spending any of it. 

....I'd say 10 is enough and facing these fears one by one will be my first goal (I will keep you all updated!)

What are your fears and how are you going to face them?!

P.S I also just decided these fear posts are going to be a theme...so be prepared for more and more. 

Learning How to Live

If someone told me when I was growing up that a huge part of life is learning how to live, I would've either been really confused or I would've said, "um hello...living right now." But...I always think back to that quote about living vs. existing (above) It's so easy to exist, to wake up, go to work, go to the gym, make dinner, hang out with family, friends, significant others, go to bed and do it all over again. To go through the motions and be alive, we all do it and its damn easy, but to live, to actually experience each of those moments is a whole 'nother story.

 Truly living can be so rewarding, like when you lift a weight you never thought you'd be able to or when someone you care about you compliments you. It can also be draining and painful, the negative emotions resulting from existing can overwhelm you and drag you down. Hell, I'm a living example of that today. 

So what do I do? Retreat and try to just exist and push those feelings deep inside of me until they are ready to explode (aka about twice a day), but what do I want to do, what should  I do. I should finish up my work day, go to the gym and really experience the workout and not just do it, and then I should go home, enjoy some dinner and TV with my new roommate and then go into my bed and write in my journal (definitely my best and most neglected form of therapy). 

What should you be doing to live and not just exist?

Grateful

It's been months since I've been on here; to be completely honest, I haven't felt like I had anything profound to say, so why talk just to talk? 

Recently, I've realized something that is completely unrelated to Crossfit (to some of us though, everything is related to crossfit). I woke up this morning to texts and phone calls from 4 people I love and thought back to a year ago, even two years ago and where those relationships have come from and how much they've grown. I immediately felt eternally grateful. We spend a significant amount of our life at work, trying to make money to get the things we want aka the new bedroom set I bought last week, the new pair of shoes I was dying to have, the vacation I needed to take....but would those things and money really ever satisfy me? Yes, maybe I felt good looking at a new bed to sleep in or slipping on those new shoes, but this morning waking up to love-that's a feeling that cannot even compare. 

Feeling loved and loving people is so much more rewarding than most of us realize, until we need it the most, until those moments where the last thing we feel like we have is love and then it just smacks us in the face. This is sometimes romantic love, love from friends or family members and even self love-but when it comes down to it, there's really no amount of money, no workout (well maybe ha!), no material item that can consistently fulfill you more than the love you have for others, the love they return and the love you have for yourself. 

this post dedicated to papa bear, the ninja, kate and jo <3

P.S. I'm back 

So Much Love

This world is crazy. There are bad people out there. Horrible people who do horrible things. But...you know what that reminds me? That there are so many good people out there. Good people who do amazing things. An absolutely beautiful world that tragedies like yesterday in Boston should remind us to look around at the things and people we see every single day and appreciate them that much more. 

Some runners yesterday lost their ability to ever partake in a marathon again. If they wanted to, could never Crossfit with us crazies. It's awful and makes me angry. Those people, who dedicated hours of their life to training and nourishing their bodies to be able to prepare for 26.2 miles of (in my opinion) pain, would most likely advocate the rest of us to get off our ass every day and run, lift that bar, do that burpee, swing that kettlebell....we have those abilities, every single day. Our bodies are precious; privileges that we might continuously take advantage of are just that...a privilege. 

Make the most of each moment, each opportunity and the capable body you were blessed with this morning. 

My prayers are with Boston and with the world, today and always. 

Time

As always, before I begin, things making me happy: my move to NYC got moved up to April 14th and the apartment is amazing and second, I have some amazing people in my life, and I fully intend on letting them know they are so today/this week.

 

This post is dedicated to two of my closest friends who lost their lives way too young this week in 2011 and 2012. Tyler, Brian. In my heart forever. My two angels.

 

 

Hell, I know I think I do. I constantly put things off until tomorrow, even if they're small. I'll practice my double unders tomorrow, I'll stop eating jelly beans tomorrow, I'll add some cardio and yoga back into my workout next week, I'll read a book every week....the list goes on and on. Yes, we are all busy, we have to manage time between the gym (Crossfit), work, friends, family and "me" time all while trying to improve our lives and our fitness.

 

So what do I (we) do? We resort to the excuse of time. Well we have a ton of it, so we'll get around to it right? Why not start now? Why not make a list of realistic goals and how to start small. Why not make a plan to get to where you want to be? 

You do have time, but  make good use of it...

I will:

grab that jumprope (DUs, I want to love you...)

go for a run (just 1, need to start somewhere)

read a stimulating book

send a care package to a good friend

 

What will you do?

 

Today's WOD:

20 Front Squats 75#

20 Burpees

20 Pull-ups

rest 7 min

Repeat

rest 6 min

30 Front Squats 75#

30 Burpees

 

13.3 here we come..

In the Midst of It

Ok, ok I'm late on this but...it's Crossfit Open time! Last year I was only about 4 weeks into my Crossfit journey, so I didn't participate, but I'm excited that I decided to this time around. Before I begin my soliloquy of the day, I can't forget the things that are making me happy: 2 and a half weeks ago I got the awesome chance to go visit my friend in Florida and workout at her CF gym (it was huge and I got 1 of their awesome t-shirts) and last but not least, we all got matching tattoos- always love. Live by it.  

 

 

13.1...definitely a challenge

but what Crossfitter doesn't like to be challenged. Yes, the weights were heavy (especially for the men in my opinion), but how many of you PRed your snatch...for reps! How good does that feel? Does it remind you not to sell yourself short, that you are stronger than you think? That if you dig deep, you can pull things out of you that you didnt know exist.

Now you say, what about me? I failed the 100 or 135# snatch. It sucked, I was disappointed. Disappointment? or is it motivation. Motivation to up your training, or change your diet or go to the Oly class you've been telling yourself you'd fit in for months. Maybe even just motivation to kick 13.2's ass this week....

 

Get after it.

 

My CF Anniversary

Happy Friday! Yes, this pictures below are after a WOD in the bathroom....I couldnt help it, my new Lulu purchases had to be showcased. Happy belated Valentine's to everyone. Hope you told the people you love that you love them and they did the same for you.

 

Back to the point. This week was my 1 year anniversary crossfitting/at Crossfit Westchester and it was also the first week in a year that I woke up for 6am class (3 days in a row mind you!) I am sore as hell, but I feel great. I couldnt remember until this week how grounded crossfit keeps me. Humbles me, excites me and teaches me mental and physical strength.

Top 3 Crossfit Moments of my first year:

 

1. honestly, my #125 squat clean. I spend months stuck at #105. The moment I stood up with that bar on my shoulders, I knew I beat that voice in my head.

2. Watching my best friend, Kate, compete at Beast of the East and CFNE Competitor's Competition. She hates her compliments, but she is my inspiration. The dedication and determination she has is incredible. AND I gained a best friend out of it.

3. Failing. Dropping #115 from overhead, #205 falling off my back in a squat, feeling defeated after one too many 500m rows. but you know what that failing taught me? ...I will always get back up and keep trying. Translate that to life and you are golden.

 

Before I start crying...I'm done.

 

WOD time:

WOD 1

30 Hang Power Snatches (#35)

30 Burpees

rest 4 min X3

 

WOD 2

Bear Complex Ladder

every minute begins with 3 burpees

starting at #35 adding #10 each time

(completed #85, failed at #95)

 

WOD 3

30 Thrusters *unbroken

500m Row 100%

Rest 8 min X2

 

3:33 and 3:14

Let me reintroduce myself..

My motto today: "I believe in the Sun even when it isn't shining, I believe in love even when I am alone, I believe in God even when he is silent" '

 

It's been a long 2.5 months of yoga, bicep curls, learning patience and watching my body slowly change back to a semi-pre-crossfit softness. But...I'm finally back at it and I learned SO much from being away from Crossfit. We learn a ton, each and every day in the gym, when a workout kicks our ass, when we kill a workout, when a teammate crumbles under the bar, when a crowd forms around the last person finishing a WOD. No one really thinks much about what we would learn away from crossfit...well, here I go:

1. I learned appreciation. What it means to be part of a community where people's fitness and strength are one of the most important things in their life. A likemindedness that can't be found anywhere else. (although yoga is kind of my #2 jam these days)

2. I learned to deal with things in my life that I was ignoring because I took it out on Crossfit and to have faith in myself to conquer them.

3. The value of my physical strength really shined. I got through surgery like a champ (in my opinion) and got back to working out pretty quickly, but the best part was my body strength held better than it ever has before in my life. aka I didn't become a weakling as quickly as I had thought I would.

4. CORE. pretty much the most important part of your body for everything. Thank Crossfit for that one.


5. Friends. The support and love I had while being away cannot have been beat.

Top 5...I could go on forever. Peace, Love, Crossfit :)

 

My first two workouts back:

WOD 1:

27 Power Cleans #55

86 Double Unders (172 Singles in the 2nd Round)

27 Power Cleans #55

X2 for time

I think....15:47

 

WOD 2:

3 rounds

250m Row

20 KB Swings #35

20 Burpees

12:48

 

 

Cultivating those Relationships

I'm beginning to realize that I pretty much just write whatever I want on this blog while I'm not doing crossfit, but I think that it's relatable either way...hopefully you do too. Things making me happy at the moment: we had a great girls night this week with my girl friends from the restaurant I work at and secondly, I'm not sick anymore so I can get back to the gym (because I can't just keep eating whatever I want forever and hoping it doesnt catch up to me).

 

Ok back to those 2013 goals.

Goal #2: Visit friends that I've been saying I was going to for the past year and continue to cultivate and give energy to the positive relationships I am vowing to have.

 

The good thing about speaking about positive relationships is it doesnt just mean with other people. It means with yourself, your body, your mind, your job, intelligence, your desires, your goals, food, exercise, Crossfit, etc. Anything that you relate to any way should and will be positive (for me at least). What in your life does not serve you? Are you putting in the effort to the people and things that do? Since my main goal is to give energy to these positive relationships, here are my real live steps:

1. visiting my friend Brian from SAS this weekend

2. booked my trip to Ft. Lauderdale to see my friend Rainbow

3. Next weekend heading to NJ for the day to see my friend Ashley

4. Be more consistent with the gym and yoga-this contributes to EVERY relationship I have with myself

5. plan a trip out to Lewisburg to see my friends and their kids

6. Get back to a healthy relationship with healthy food-i.e more protein and less "crap"

 

...always more to come!

 

OH and some crossfit relatedness, I did 4x 500m row repeats, 3 min rest between

times: 1:58, 2:06, 2:08, 2:11

Not bad...one day they will all be sub 2

[me rockin' my hipster hat today]

 

Starting Right

I've been thinking a lot about how to start my blog right in the New Year. First, I thought of resolutions, fitness goals etc. and then I decided to be a little more broad: my 2013 goals. I will dedicate one post to each goal and really explore where I want to go with it. But of course, first...things currently making me happy: I am going to Boston this weekend to see some of my friends compete at CFNE and I booked my trip to Miami/Ft. Lauderdale to visit another friend in February. Life is always just a little bit better when you have something to look forward to.

 

Goal #1: Only allow for positive relationships in my life, both friends, family and romantically.

[I may not love the Obamas but I LOVE this quote]

Who you surround yourself with has a huge (even if you don't realize it) influence on the way you act, the way you think, the way you perform in life, work, the gym etc. I have been known to always say "I don't want to hurt anyone," so whoever has been in my life, I kept them there. Constantly trying to force certain relationships or 'work things out.' YOU create your life and you decide what kind of influences you want to surround you. I want positivity, so this year, that's what I will give myself.

 

(see below for some crossfit barbie selfies-figured i needed to bring the muscles and the style back to the blog)