My Fight with Food

Let's just say for me...the struggle is real when it comes to food.

I've spoke about this a little here in the past, but about 6-7 years ago my relationship with food was horrendous. How little I could eat was a contest with myself and the guilt I felt when I indulged was unbearable. That mental battle plagued me for years as I went up and down in weight with extreme swings, which usually went in line with my happiness. I was 100% controlled by food (which sounds absolutely ridiculous). 

For the last 2-3 years, I had convinced myself that I was better, that because I was no longer afraid to eat I was healthy. But...this resulted in me literally eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, paying no attention to what I was really putting into my body. I became more and more involved in Crossfit, so the pounds of jelly beans and chips and greasy food never really made much of an impact on my physical appearance. For once, I felt like I controlled the food. (which again, sounds ridiculous)

At the time it was hard to see, but each of these was equally unhealthy for me. Either way, I was 1. not listening to my body and 2. not giving my body the correct nutrients it needs to perform and thrive. 

I can't tell you how many times people have told me that my performance at the gym would get better if I actually made any effort into what I was eating. My stubborn ass denied it for as long as I could and then....

The past six months have been the first time since I was 14 yrs old that I truly eat when I am hungry, don't look at food as a battle for control and think through what is going into my body. 

Do I eat perfectly? Not by any means. Do I want to eat perfectly? Not really. I want to eat to fuel me, to satisfy hunger and to have fun. So how do I put this in place? I've limited cheese to one meal a day, indulge in small amounts of chocolate and ice cream every day (yes, every day) and really listen to what my body wants. Each decision I make regarding food is no longer a fight, but just a simple, educated decision with a goal and level of balance in mind. 

How do you keep this balance? 

what are you training for? What are you eating for? LIFE